Why do other people’s opinions worry us?.. 8 ways to get rid of feelings of rejection
Anxiety about accepting others turns into a psychological condition called “ludoxaphobia”
Our desire to feel accepted leads us to consider the opinions of others, even if we do not welcome them in our real life, but they are guests of our minds before making any decision, or as the Roman philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote, two thousand years ago, “We love ourselves more than others But we care more about their opinions than our own,” whether they are friends, enemies, or strangers.
Why do we worry about other people’s opinions?
The continuation of human civilization since ancient times has depended on belonging to cohesive clans or tribes. Before the modern form of society in which we live, the rejection of the individual from his tribe meant certain death from hunger, cold or predators, which explains our instinctive desire to win the approval of others, and the feeling of distress when he passes us Nobody greets.
Although we do not need others today to secure our lives, man is still a social being by instinct analysis The Atlantic newspaperThe Atlantic) When you decide to speak in a group, a network in your brain known as the “Behavioral Inhibition System” (BIS) allows you to assess the situation, decide how to act, and alert you of the consequences of inappropriate behavior. Behavioral Activation” (BAS) that focuses on making decisions.
but Research Since 2013, it has shown that worrying about the opinions of others weakens our ability to make decisions, and the mind does not move to the second stage, and that is why some people keep thinking about what should have been said in a situation but did not dare, and the anxiety about accepting others turns into a psychological state called “Ludoxaphobia”, With it, an individual’s ability to carry out normal tasks, such as making decisions, declines, and a deep sense of need and insecurity, which in turn leads to alienation of others and may eventually lead to a loss of self-esteem and social alienation.
Why do some people worry more?
David Sack, a professor of psychiatry and director of a network of psychological and behavioral treatment centers in America, explained in his article on the “Psychology Today” website our desire to be accepted by others with childhood memories, when we encountered something or someone who made communication with us and our love conditional on what we do, so it gets worse for some , who have been subjected to comparison and emotional, physical or verbal abuse in school, family, or any competitive environment, and may have been subjected to intimidation, threats and impossible challenges, until good treatment became something they had to struggle to win, and they lacked a sense of emotional security and worth, which led them to rely on the opinions of others to feel important and belonging.
These memories develop a sense of shame, for our constant feeling of failure and inferiority, and in the book “The Gifts of Imperfection,” Brian Brown wrote about shame and shame, and the accompanying questions with each step. Instead of asking yourself “How can I improve myself?”, you ask her “How can I Improving myself in the eyes of others?” Which is not bad in itself, but too much attention to what others want of us keeps us away from what we want and need.
How do you stop worrying?
If you realize that you are someone who is worried about what others think of you, you should take some steps, not to be antisocial or to completely ignore other people’s opinions, but to build a healthy relationship with yourself and others:
- Remind yourself that no one cares so much about what you said or did, and a large percentage will not remember it, because other people’s thinking of us, whether positive or negative, is much less than we imagine. 4 . results showed studies Published in the “Personality and Social Psychology” magazine, that we overestimate the impact of our failures and shortcomings on the thinking of others, and that most of the mistakes that actors made and expected the audience to be hard on were originally the result of their excessive focus on the possibility of their failure, and ultimately did not result in a reaction cruel as their pessimistic expectations portrayed them.
- Judge yourself on your behavior. People tend to distort the truth in their minds, follow negative thinking patterns, and assume the worst, and that is what drives us to bad moods and behavior. A clear view of things requires talking to oneself honestly, and distinguishing between whether you are really rejected in a situation or you are delusional because you were possessed by feelings of anger.
- Don’t strive for perfection. It can be hard to get rid of the “if I’m perfect they’ll love me” idea, but that quest is an illusion, and what people think of you is influenced by them more than it is by you.
- Introduce yourself, by asking her what you really love, what you really want, and are you making strides in your professional and social life because you want it or because it will impress someone else? To come up with an answer try new things, learn different skills, and find different groups of friends who can give you unconditional acceptance.
- Control what distracts you, so you can get rid of feelings of shame. This technique relies on directing your attention to what you want to focus on, and expelling other thoughts, which happens during meditation and mindfulness sessions.
- Drown yourself in work. If you don’t find time for mindfulness exercises, you can replace work and sports with it, focusing your attention on your goals, your steps and the number of kilometers you have covered.
- Be nice, by taking care of others, such as writing a thank you letter to those who have been good to you, and repeating phrases of approval, so that others will automatically love you if you are nice to them, and even if you misbehave they will make sure of your good intentions.
- Accept yourself, you cannot invite someone into your mind and decision-making process if they are not welcome in your home, and do not waste time with people who expect you to follow in their footsteps, and instead of looking for people to belong to try to develop yourself to be different and others seek to stay around you.