Tips to know how to joke between spouses .. When, how and where?
Beirut – Joking in normal life is very important to add a sense of humor and fight strife, boredom and social pressures, and it is necessary for the spouses to joke to get rid of the monotony.
But some types of joking may negatively affect the relationship between them, because they may be used in a wrong way to the point of destroying married life; Therefore, it is necessary to know some points that should not be joked about, and to follow some psychologically useful advice to introduce love between the two parties.
Joking starts with laughter and ends with regret
The young wife, Lynn Shehab, says that her husband Ahmed started joking with her that he was going to marry her, and at first she accepted it as a joke, but he started repeating it in every session, and it was no longer a funny joke or a normal humor, but rather a question and doubt for her?
She could no longer stand this kind of banter, so she confronted him and asked him to stop this talk because he was already bothering her, and even scaring her, but his reaction shocked her; He was so angry with her that he no longer wanted to talk to her.
Shehab continues her narration that the relationship between them was greatly strained because of this joke, so she waited for the right time to calm his nerves and sat next to him to talk to him seriously, calmly and friendly, and told him that joking is a double-edged sword; Therefore, it is necessary to pay attention to the words, so as not to misunderstand things or cause the words to unintentionally hurt the feelings of the other or provoke his jealousy.
Then her husband felt that he went too far in joking with her, and apologized to her, acknowledging that he loves her and will not abandon her, and that he chose a heavy joke that is not appropriate for the marital relationship.
My husband chooses to joke at the wrong time
The young wife Jumana Damj sees that her husband, Tariq, is exaggerating in his jokes, rather exceeding the limits, so his banter is heavy as she described it, and it is enough that he annoys her with his jokes and she asks him daily to stop him, or – at least – to ease him.
Among his harm to her is that he jokes with her in front of his family, and this is what grieves her the most, no matter what justifications her husband gives, and as he jokes with her in front of his children who laugh at her, she sees this as a detraction from her children’s respect for her, as she says.
And she recalls the commandment of the Prophet – may God’s prayers and peace be upon him – when he advised Abu Huraira: “Do not laugh a lot, for laughing too much kills the heart.” Undoubtedly, the prohibition includes what provokes laughter, interest in it and striving for it, as she says.
Jumana chose a time when she found her husband reassuring and not preoccupied with anything, and the children were far from them, and she approached him with a smile, and said to him: “Many of my friends complain about the seriousness of their husbands and envy me for her cheerful spirit,” so he felt satisfied and happy.
And she continued, saying to him: “But I ask you to be considerate so that you do not unintentionally harm me, and do not joke with me in front of our children, and be keen to choose your funny words so that they do not annoy me, and reduce them so that your jokes do not decrease the respect of others for me, and my Lord protects you, grants you success, and grants you, and I pray to God that It always fixes our situation and reconciles our hearts.”
Her husband felt ashamed and apologized to her, stressing that he did not want to harm her or belittle her respect in front of his family or their children, as she told Al Jazeera Net.
Tips on how to joke between spouses
Marital relations and family counseling and guidance consultant Eleanor El-Ghaz considers that the sense of humor and pranks between spouses contribute effectively to strengthening the marital relationship, and she offers a set of tips to learn how to joke with the partner:
When one of the spouses has a sensitive nature, the other party must realize the types of jokes that annoy him, and avoid joking about things that grieve and anger him so as not to alienate him and complain, and may destroy married life.
Joking about getting married again
Sometimes a man jokes with his wife that he will marry a second woman and the like, and here this joke leads to the wife’s jealousy and suspicion that her husband may betray her, and from here many problems begin, whenever the husband answers his phone or leaves the house alone, the wife will investigate him and impose her questions on him Which disturbs him and makes him captive and tied, so the love between them gradually fades and family calm disappears.
joking about divorce
Some husbands joke with each other that they are ready to take the divorce step only as a joke, and this is enough to destroy the feeling of safety in the spouses, especially the wife, especially since safety is one of the most important psychological needs for both parties to build a stable married life.
Joking hiding the truth
There are husbands who joke with their wives that they hide some facts from them, which raises the concern of the wife to know the truth of the matter.
Sometimes one of the spouses is forced to blame or admonish the other party, but sometimes he admonishes him in a joking manner; Meaning that the husband passes a message against the other party through joking.
How do you set banter limits?
The riddle confirms that joking is a positive matter, but that – like everything – it has limits and etiquette, as joking is necessary and important for the spouses, provided that it does not infringe on their privacy or diminish their respect; Therefore, there are rules and limits for joking between spouses:
Asymmetric Relationship: If the husband – for example – likes heavy or violent banter and his wife does not like him, this is not a joke at all, but rather turns into annoyance and insult to the other party, and because there are many types of jokes, the spouses must agree on a specific type of banter to laugh together, so that the banter is not offensive.
Use banter to break the deadlock: Don’t get hung up on a person’s looks, or their failings, instead focus on shared experiences.
It is possible to joke about superficial matters such as expressing constant boredom to the partner or choosing clothes, but be aware that this can cause harm if they are not familiar with each other, they may not have the harmony to participate in such a way.
Use joking as an excuse: For example, when you say I was just joking to cover up for being wrong, your sense of humor is to avoid responsibility, which is hurtful to the husband.
The banter turns into sarcasm. Attention should be paid to the intent because sarcasm is not fun at all. Enjoying making fun of weight or shape is bullying, so it is better to look for solutions to get rid of bullying in married life.
Negative comments: Passive-aggressive humor may seem good at first, but it’s annoying, like when the wife says she’s lost 5 kilos, to which the husband replies: You seem to have lost a lot of weight. While this comment seems normal at first, it may offend her on the other hand, so pay attention to what the person says, a phrase like “You look great” leads to a stronger relationship building result.
What are the benefits of joking spouses?
Consultant Eleanor Puzzle finds that jokes have benefits because they relieve stress and anxiety. When finances are tight, you have problems with children, or life gets crowded with appointments and you forget an important memory for the couple, humor comes to play its precious role.
Studies have shown that individuals who have a good sense of humor are less likely to be tired and depressed, and they and their spouses are more likely to enjoy life in general.
Among its benefits:
Increasing intimacy: Feelings of love increase when the couple laughs together; Banter encourages connection and intimacy in new, old, and romantic relationships. The banter adds a wonderful dimension to the conversations, and enhances the feeling of intimacy and closeness between the spouses.
Gentle teasing: Teasing the other person from time to time in a light and smooth manner will definitely add an air of fun to the relationship.
childish banter: Kissing on the cheeks, tickling, and silly, childish “flatters”… all of these things may add an atmosphere of fun and pampering in the marital relationship.
What are the disadvantages of joking spouses?
Humor or stinging banter can harm the other party, as it can be negative and result in damages, including:
Partner teasing: Focus on light and funny jokes without teasing the partner, because teasing and teasing makes him feel insecure about you.
Annoying joke: Heavy banter causes repulsion and kills friendliness and intimacy.
Self-denial: He means jokes in which you belittle yourself or give others permission to ridicule you, and this is self-harm.
Criticizing something or someone: It is possible to criticize something or someone as a joke in front of the partner to make him laugh, provided that criticism of others is not a permanent habit, because constant criticism gives a bad impression and keeps the partner away from you.
Make fun and laughter a lot
In short, the riddle ends with her saying that laughter is a drug to relieve stress, so it is important for couples to share good laughter whenever they find themselves in trouble. Joking facilitates communication between the two partners and contributes to creating a more relaxed atmosphere. In other words, “Make fun and laughter a large space in your marital relationship.”