Boundaries that teens don’t adhere to.. why shouldn’t you get angry?
Boundaries are an important part of creating clarity between you and your child, and by agreeing on them together, you create a contract for expected behavior that can help avoid conflict.
While these limits can be an important part of helping your child gain independence, stay safe, and make sound decisions, they also help parents feel more in control of their teen’s behavior, which children often rebel against at a certain point in their lives.
It is well known that adolescents begin to reject and defy the limits set by their parents, which can be frustrating at times, but at the same time serves the primary function of developing children’s values, beliefs and sense of self.
The Teen Therapy Centers offer 10 things to consider when setting appropriate boundaries with your teen.
Maintain sympathy for your teenage son
Family therapist Stephanie Klindt says on Location Teen Therapy Centers Parents need to remember what it was like for them when they were teenagers. Like most teenagers, this period is very difficult. According to the 2013 American Psychological Association’s Survey of Stress in America, teens today experience more stress than adults.
When it’s hard to understand why your teen is acting like the world will end because he didn’t get the ‘right shoes’ or the ‘best grade in school’, just remember what it was like when you were his age, and express your sympathy. Say phrases like: I remember feeling this way” or “I made similar choices and remember how it was.” Teens just want to know that someone understands them.
Allow him to face the consequences for himself
Allow your teen to face the natural consequences of his choices. Although it may be difficult, giving your teen the opportunity to learn how to solve these problems gives him the opportunity to learn a difficult but important lesson about responsibility.
It is important to provide guidance and empathy but to avoid treating or saving their problems. It is also important for your teen to know that he is a problem solver and that he is able to know the clear cause-and-effect relationship. Be there for them and be supportive, but allow them to learn that they can face life on their own.
Be firm and consistent
The crossing of boundaries by children is normal. Nevertheless, set your goals for your teen and set the boundaries of your personal relationship in order to be very clear about what is acceptable and what is not.
You should also avoid “weak” parenting. Having a teen who is temporarily frustrated with the limits you set is better than a teen who doesn’t respect you in the first place because of your weakness.
Keep the big picture in mind
Teens know how to get you out of your way and how to push the boundaries each time, though keep in mind the life lessons you want him to learn. Remind yourself of the bigger picture when you find that you are about to enter into conflict with them, and it will be much easier to avoid silly conflicts, and you may not feel satisfied in the moment, but over time you will be happy with the result.
Know where you end and where your teen starts
You should allow your teen to have his or her own identity, feelings and experiences, and not take it personally when he wants independence or questions your decisions.
They do what they are supposed to do, just because they want to spend more time with their friends. And just because they resent the idea of spending a family day with you doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Just try to adapt to the new situation to reduce your angry reaction.
Show respect to get respect
In order for teens to learn respect, they should see respect in your interactions with others and should feel respected by you. Although they love drama or make poor choices sometimes, teens do their best to become adults, so do your best not to underestimate them or ignore how important these things are to them.
Remember your role as a father
It’s true that teens are smart, independent, and ready to fly away from you, but they still need you. Your role may have changed a little, but you are still his father or mother. You are still responsible for keeping them safe, meeting their basic needs, and helping to guide and shape the future they will be, so they need to know that you love them unconditionally and that you are by their side no matter what.
Use the perks to your advantage
As a parent who strives to provide a decent life for your children, you go to work every day whether you like it or not. Teenagers are no different from us in that if they really need something they should strive to get it.
Give them incentives and teach them that you don’t always get everything you want. If they want to spend more time with friends, ask them to do more tasks at home. Make it a privilege to motivate your teen, such as spending time with friends, electronics and sports. These are all equal opportunities for them to earn what they want in exchange for appropriate behaviour.
Don’t take everything personally
Don’t give your teen the power to control your emotions and reactions. And if you feel very frustrated as a result of your son playing with the rules you set for him, move away and try to relax or take a break, this is a good emotional regulation and earns you respect, then you should expect your son’s actions and do not lose your focus and do not drift to their level.
Protect your teen’s privacy
Teens need their own space, they need privacy. It is not usually a good idea to look at their journal or personal belongings unless there are imminent safety issues or concerns.
It is very important for your teen to learn their own identity and appropriate boundaries with their own space. Think of it this way: “If you were him, would you like your mom to check your diary?!”